she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
