Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
