Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
