I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
