but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
