If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
handjob tips. give me some.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I think I sprained my soul last night
I wish there were birth control emojis
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
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