I cannot find my penis.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
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