Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
