C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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