I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
