I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
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