since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
