You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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