Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
he laminated a picture of his dick.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
