Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
