Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
