You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize