What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Enjoy the penises
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
