I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
