when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
