No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
