Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Girls should come with a carfax report
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
