i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
