she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
You need a sexual gate keeper
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
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