i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
