Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
