So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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