I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
