yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
