Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
