I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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