my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
