I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
