The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
