He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
