Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
