U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
