oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Randomize
