We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
