I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
