This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
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