hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
