Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Randomize
