i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
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