New invention idea: vibrating tampons
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
