Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
