I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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