Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
