pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize