i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
