Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
