she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
