So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
