i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
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