Have you finally orgasmed yet?
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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