Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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