so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Randomize
