As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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