i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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