the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
