Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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