idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Last time i carry you out of a forest
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
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