I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I am in a vortex of obligation.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
