good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
You were trust falling into bushes
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
