Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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