Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize