I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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