So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize