I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
