my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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