True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
