i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
