know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize
