dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
